Feelings

I am feeling a bit gloomy today. In life, there are ups and downs, whether you got a disease or not.

Living with Ulcerative Colitis isn’t easy, you have to deal with lots of needles, pills, doctor’s offices, and many different emotions. Ever since I got diagnosed, I have been missing a lot of school, missed a lot of time at school even when I am there, because I had to use the bathroom, having to wear masks. Of course people are gonna ask about it and want to know more about you, because they think you are dying. Even if that’s not at all what’s happening.

The first day I had to wear a mask, no one ever noticed me that much, all people did was look at me like I was a freak, some asked why I had a mask. Let me tell you, I’m just gonna come out and say it, Kindergartners are not good whisperers.”OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT HER!! SHE’S SICK!!!!!” Like I didn’t feel like enough of a freak, some kids went as far as to ask me if I had Ebola. I have learned to be proud of my disease and accept it as part of me, because God made me this way, but it still stings to know I will never be a normal kid, never be a normal teenager, I will never be a normal woman. Still, I understand God handpicked me to live with this, He made me brave enough to deal with it, overcome it, gave me the strength to keep going even when I feel like I can’t, and put all of these people in my life so that they could help me up when I am feeling down. He made me this way so I could help other people like me, get through it too.

 

Me, at 3.

Me and my uncle Sebastian at our Pre-K Graduation.

First Day of Kindergarten.

Last day of Kindergarten

I loved these things!

Me, doing yoga. Or trying to, anyways.

Me and little baby Shawn.

Shawn and I on Hallowen

But still, sometimes I can’t help, but feel so unlucky. I look at my friends, and how they have good grades and achievements, and then I look at myself and what are mine? Laying in a bed or missing day after day of school. I mean it’s not fair. How come they all get to live a better life than me? Why do I have to be the sick one, I wonder. I just wish I wasn’t sick or had my friends treat me differently because I am. They just don’t understand.

I just want to tell you guys that if someone is bullying you because of your disease just know this, most of them make fun because they don’t understand, other make fun because they feel uncomfortable, some because they don’t feel good about themselves, so they want to bring you down too, and then of course, there are always the real mean people, who bully you, just because they are just cold hearted people. But, always remember, those people will never be as brave as you, don’t let them steal your light. My friends don’t have this disease, or any disease for that matter, maybe because God didn’t think they would be as brave as they have to be to handle it. I know kids that can’t swallow pills, cry over a little shot, freak out about having to have blood drawn, but not me, I am strong, brave, and I can handle this disease. That’s what keeps me going. I can’t help but still act like a 11 year old sometimes though, so I was secretly laughing on the inside when I purposely coughed on that kid that asked me if I had Ebola, and freaked him out thinking he would get it from me. That’s what he gets! Mwahahaha!

-xoxo