Feelings

I am feeling a bit gloomy today. In life, there are ups and downs, whether you got a disease or not.

Living with Ulcerative Colitis isn’t easy, you have to deal with lots of needles, pills, doctor’s offices, and many different emotions. Ever since I got diagnosed, I have been missing a lot of school, missed a lot of time at school even when I am there, because I had to use the bathroom, having to wear masks. Of course people are gonna ask about it and want to know more about you, because they think you are dying. Even if that’s not at all what’s happening.

The first day I had to wear a mask, no one ever noticed me that much, all people did was look at me like I was a freak, some asked why I had a mask. Let me tell you, I’m just gonna come out and say it, Kindergartners are not good whisperers.”OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT HER!! SHE’S SICK!!!!!” Like I didn’t feel like enough of a freak, some kids went as far as to ask me if I had Ebola. I have learned to be proud of my disease and accept it as part of me, because God made me this way, but it still stings to know I will never be a normal kid, never be a normal teenager, I will never be a normal woman. Still, I understand God handpicked me to live with this, He made me brave enough to deal with it, overcome it, gave me the strength to keep going even when I feel like I can’t, and put all of these people in my life so that they could help me up when I am feeling down. He made me this way so I could help other people like me, get through it too.

 

But still, sometimes I can’t help, but feel so unlucky. I look at my friends, and how they have good grades and achievements, and then I look at myself and what are mine? Laying in a bed or missing day after day of school. I mean it’s not fair. How come they all get to live a better life than me? Why do I have to be the sick one, I wonder. I just wish I wasn’t sick or had my friends treat me differently because I am. They just don’t understand.

I just want to tell you guys that if someone is bullying you because of your disease just know this, most of them make fun because they don’t understand, other make fun because they feel uncomfortable, some because they don’t feel good about themselves, so they want to bring you down too, and then of course, there are always the real mean people, who bully you, just because they are just cold hearted people. But, always remember, those people will never be as brave as you, don’t let them steal your light. My friends don’t have this disease, or any disease for that matter, maybe because God didn’t think they would be as brave as they have to be to handle it. I know kids that can’t swallow pills, cry over a little shot, freak out about having to have blood drawn, but not me, I am strong, brave, and I can handle this disease. That’s what keeps me going. I can’t help but still act like a 11 year old sometimes though, so I was secretly laughing on the inside when I purposely coughed on that kid that asked me if I had Ebola, and freaked him out thinking he would get it from me. That’s what he gets! Mwahahaha!

-xoxo

Advertisements

2 comments

  1. Jill Love · January 17, 2016

    Oh honey! My daughter was diagnosed with UC when she was 5 years old. At 7 she had her colon and rectum removed and a jpouch made. She will be 10 next month and she is living an amazingly happy, healthy life free of disease and medicines! We share her sorry wherever we go because you kiddos are amazingly strong little people! Keep the faith, sweety, you can live a ‘normal’ life one day too! Good luck with Remicade….we did all those medicines too but nothing worked for her.

    Like

    • carolineschaffer · January 26, 2016

      Hi Jill sorry it took a while for me to write back. Anyway I want to tell you that i’m so sorry that that all happen I know how scary it is to get diagnosed at such a tiny age and how hard it is to stay strong at such a tiny age, but it sounds like you guys are very brave and sometimes it’s very hard for me but as long as you have amazing people to surround yourself with then you’ll be ok and it sounds like your daughter has an amazing mom. I hope you guys stay happy, healthy, and strong. Bye!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s